Pseudonym

Right from the moment the idea of this blog popped into my head, I knew I wanted it to be an anonymous space. Not for any nefarious reasons, but I wanted somewhere I could be free of the identity people already know me by. It's not that I want to hide myself as such, but as I explore the idea of writing more seriously I thought I would benefit mentally from being slightly cloaked.

What I didn't expect was that using a pseudonym would feel so... strange. It's far from my intention but I do feel as though I'm somehow tricking people. I know people on the internet use anonymous names all the time (many for valid reasons, but most I suspect are just because they want to) but being this level of cloak and dagger is new for me.

Last night I signed up for a Mastodon account at indieweb.social using this pseudonym and even that felt weird. As I was filling out the form I began to have second thoughts about the whole thing. Instead I decided to be honest, so in my application I did tell them that my new account is a pen name. My application was approved, which made me think if they have no problem with it then why should I?

That did ease my mind somewhat. I'm not a saint, far from it, but I don't like being dishonest. With that in mind I thought a post about it here would be a good idea, and so here we are.

It's likely that this will continue to feel strange to me for quite some time. I haven't even thought of an actual human sounding name yet. Right now I'm known only as Tea and Ink. I'll have a think about whether or not I want to invent a "real" name, but in the meantime you can merely refer to me as T if you like. Or not. Call me whatever you like!

Also, I should add that it wouldn't be a massive deal to me if my real identity were ever to be exposed. I'm not hiding any dark secrets (if only my life were that exciting!). I just want some mental freedom in this space and a bit of privacy away from friends and family, even if only for a while.

Strange or not, I've set myself a goal of using this invented identity for at least 3 months. That seems like a reasonable amount of time to judge whether I can learn to be comfortable with it or not. After this time, I'll re-evaluate.

In this day and age where all of our data and movements are tracked, analysed and sold to the highest bidder, it's reassuring that the smaller spaces, away from all of that, still exist. I hope these small pockets continue to have life for many years to come because they are very valuable to us as humans.

Oh and you can find that new Mastodon account here if you'd like to follow me there. It's brand new and a bit lonely at the moment! I'm sure that will change once I start to settle in.